Let’s skip the “I did nothing, I have no life” pointlessness of recounting Friday and Saturday nights, aside from admiring the snazzy jewelry I made. With my mom. On Saturday night. Yeah, moving on…. Sunday was a different story. Disclaimer: The following highlights are all true. You can’t make this junk up.
~Went to Sam’s Club with my dad and his girlfriend and got this amazing Anne Klein watch. For $30. Swear to God. Go ahead and be jealous for a few seconds. I’ll wait. Mmmkay, chugging right along….
~Got roped into going to OfficeMax and Gabes, which, for those of you not from Pittsburgh, it’s like the Wal-Mart version of TJ Maxx or Marshalls. Get a good picture of just who might shop there. Got it? Good. So, I figured it would be in-out. Silly me. I forgot who I was shopping with. OfficeMax wasn’t too exciting, except that my dad’s girlfriend was trying to hook me up with the sales guy. Surprisingly, she has pretty good taste.
~The real fun came at Gabes. We went in to find a Charlie Sheen shirt. As in, a shirt made by Charlie himself. Yes, he’s now pimping for Gabes. After a lot of searching, we found it, as pictured here. I was so excited I tweeted a picture of it the second we found them. And you can get your very own for only $13. Deal of the century. Unless you’re like me, in which case you’d say that’s $13 too much. (Wolfgang Puck also hawks his wares at Gabes. 4 plates for $10.)
There’s a story with the Charlie shirts. There was a big display of them at Gabes last week (this week they were down to about 4 shirts. Who knew they were such a hot commodity?) My father spotted them. He yells out (across the section, naturally) that there are Charlie Sheen shirts. Guy standing next to my dad’s girlfriend looks at her weird. Dad’s girlfriend yells back, “What, are they crazy?” Guy standing next to her quickly puts the jacket he was trying on back on the hanger and backs away.
~We ventured into the shoe section because my dad asked if I was looking for 4-inch orange pumps. I wasn’t particularly. I did find red, pleather, plastic-platformed hooker sandals, though. We came to the conclusion that the shoe section must be ventured into very cautiously as there are many surprises lurking about. Don’t wander too far in; it’s like the projects. Really. Just stay on the outskirts and mind your own business and get your junk as quickly as possible without drawing unneeded attention to yourself. It’s a scary place, that shoe section.
~Dad’s girlfriend makes centerpieces around the holidays. Found a deer-esque metal basket-y thing for her to use. Then we realized it looked more like a chicken. With a stumpy tail. I wish I had a picture, but I don’t. It’s too embarrassing. We carried it around with us anyway. The couple in front of us in line stared at our deer-chicken with a mix of horror and confusion. We, of course, were being obnoxious and cracking jokes about how utterly ridonculous it is the whole time. The girlfriend in that pair looked like she wanted to jump in on the fun (I mean, who wouldn’t?!) but the guy gave her a look that blatantly said, “Honey, do not talk to the crazies. You will be tainted. I will drive away without you and not feel bad about it.”
Then we came home and my dad’s girlfriend and I made fun of Ina Garten (all of her recipes come from a charming bistro in Paris and she just begged the chef to give her the recipe) on the Food Network.
All in all, the afternoon was one big “I guess you had to be there” moment. Next time I need to record it and put it on YouTube because the interactions just cannot be duplicated in text. Now I’m going to go pretend I have a life and try not to hang out with my parents so much.