Yesterday must have been a full moon because people did some crazy shiz at the coffee shop. <shameless plug> (Anyone want to buy a coffee shop, by the way?) </shameless plug>
One lady ordered an triple shot americano without water. Let me explain: an americano is espresso and hot water. I looked at her and said, “So you want three shots of espresso?” just to make sure I was understanding her. She says, “No, I want an americano without the water.” Mmkay then…. Then she wanted an iced latte without foam. I didn’t even bother to explain that iced lattes don’t have foam in the fist place. She was just a peach to serve.
Then some hipsters came in and, well, how about we won’t go there. Moving along…
A little while later, someone ordered an eXpresso. Now, to my knowledge, we do not serve eXpresso. We do, however, offer eSpresso. Maybe I’m a word nazi or a coffee snob, but come on! There’s no x, k, or even c in the damn word. The next time someone orders an expresso, I’m going to look at them and say, “I’m sorry, we’re fresh out of that today. Maybe you’d like to try some espresso, though?” Biggest. Coffee. Pet. Peeve. EvAr.
On that same vein, let’s discuss macchiatos. According to the handy-dandy employee handbook at Affogato, a real macchiato is a single shot of espresso (with an s) and a dollop of foam on top. If you want the Starbucks version, order a caramel latte. One of my first memories of that place is when my friend ordered a macchiato and the guy behind the counter (who shall remain nameless, though if you’re familiar with the barista history there, you know exactly who I’m talking about…) snaps, rather snottily, I might add, “The real kind or the Starbucks kind?” Love it.
Moral of the story, don’t be a moron about these things. This isn’t as high-pressure as Starbucks (if you order incorrectly there, I’m pretty sure they take you out back and whip you until you get it right or they shun you the next time you dare set foot in the store), but at least have some familiarity with what you’re purchasing, be it coffee or a washing machine. I understand that some people don’t have the same love for caffeine as I do, but come on, it isn’t that hard to pronounce words correctly!