Today, I opened the school paper (usually I skim the headlines and then go straight to the crossword, which I may or may not enlist the help of a web browser to complete…pathetic English major) and what did I see way down there at the bottom? “Food Network Star to Speak at PSU.” At first I thought it would be one of the people that no one cares about, like that Aarti chick who “won,” for lack of better words, Next Food Network Star two seasons ago. But no! It’s Alton frickin’ Brown!
To prove what a supreme loser I am, the first person I texted in my excited state was my father. Because I wanted to brag. I’m such a good kid.
Then I started to think of ways I could coerce my friends into seeing him with me. I was preparing to spam everyone with an “I’ll buy all of your drinks this weekend” text. Thankfully, my friend, whom I will now refer to as “B,” since this “my one friend” crap is getting old, texted me. She was trying to coerce me into seeing Alton.
No arm twisting needed. It’s already penned into my planner. I would have seen him alone if necessary.