moda vivendi

I'm just talking to myself. We do that sometimes, me and myself.


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5 Reasons You Hate Your Job (Redux)

I’d like to preface this by saying I like my job about as much as the next person.  Usually I’m doing something that I think is helping the company.  I have worth!  I have talent!  I have stress-relief balls all over my desk! (My favorites are a light bulb and a penguin.)  But this “article” that I read is just begging to be satirized.  It’s called “5 Reasons You Hate Your Job.”  I’d tell you to go and read the full thing here, but let me break it down for you.

You’re Unorganized

I’m proud of my organizational skills.  Okay, my desk at home looks like a hoarder and a pack rat got together and threw up all over it, but in the grand scheme of things, it could be worse.  And at work, I’m the best, most color-coded, Type A, Post-It-Noted person in the office.

So really, maybe I’m too organized.  There’s no clutter to make me crazy so I am crazy in other ways.

You’re Stressed

Reason number two is because “I’m stressed.”  Well, yeah, of course.  When you are told to re-do something 10 times and it turns out that Version 1.0 is the winning choice, or they ask you to do something 10 times and your contributions still aren’t implemented, you tend to get a little frustrated.

You’re Not Taking Care of Your Body

Actually, I’m training for a half marathon.  If I want to eat a cookie, I’m eating that cookie.  Next!

You Don’t Like Your Colleagues

The author suggests that I understand that they have personal lives and stresses in those personal lives, just like me.  Okay, I understand that for them, but why don’t they understand that for me!?  I don’t want to be at work while you stand around and eat your cookie.  Do that at home, not on my time.  I eat my cookies at home after I train for a marathon.  See, I’m understanding.

Your Finances Aren’t In Order

That’s why I have a job..to make money.  So I’d say my finances are getting in order.  They aren’t as tidy as my organizational skills, but I balance my check book.

I’d like to offer my own 5 Reasons You Hate Your Job:

  1. You’re Given Too Much Work and Not Enough Money (Look, that kills Reason 1, 2, and 5)
  2. You Don’t Like Your Colleagues (That one was pretty spot-on the first time around)
  3. Your Business Casual Clothes are too Binding (Casual Friday should be Casual Every Day That You Have to Put On Real Pants Day)
  4. You Have to Wake up Ridiculously Early (I’m a morning person, but not a crack-of-dawn, before-the-birds-are-chirping person)
  5. There Isn’t Enough Coffee or Whoever Made the Coffee Today Must Have Put Ashes in It (It isn’t that hard people. I know I was a barista, but come on, this is a home-brew machine, it doesn’t say “Go gather a unicorn’s tears and fill the water reservoir with them” on the instruction booklet)

And sometimes there are days when you only have 1 Reason You Love Your Job:

  1. Your Chair Swivels
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18 things I want

I was inspired by this gem I found on Thought Catalog while at work browsing the internet the other day and knew I’d have to steal the idea.  So, I give you The List.  (Some of these are my own creation, others I liked so much from TC that I borrowed them, as noted with a *).

  1. Unlimited coffee*
  2. A dog that is exactly like Snoopy, who turns into Joe Cool and a Flying Ace, but then also who tells me about it, not just communicates with his bird-friend in thought bubbles and dashes.
  3. A 60s-inspired mod dress in the style of Suzy Bishop in “Moonrise Kingdom,” as it will make Halloween a lot less stressful once I know I have the right outfit.
  4. A Shazam app for smells*
  5. A white duck named Bob.
  6. Season tickets for the Pens.  Or partial season tickets.  Or just going to a few games this season.  Y’all know how excited I get, even if it’s just preseason.
  7. To feel like it’s okay to skip a workout and not have my body rebel against me.
  8. A job that I like.  Preferably a career that I like.  Shouldn’t we have the right to say, “This is what I want my life to be like, and I don’t want to be hiding under the covers every morning a la Bridget Jones, panicked and chain-smoking because it’s Monday and the work-day is approaching.”
  9. A partner.  Not someone who is better than me (so that I’m always trying to impress them) or worse than me (so I get complacent and think that they’ll never leave), but an equal.
  10. Ctrl + F (or Command + F because I’m a Mac nerd now) for my car keys*
  11. An arsenal of high heeled shoes that are cute AND comfy.  (Michael Kors knows his stuff, though, so this is on the way to being checked off.)
  12. Unlimited access to any book, any time.  (Like a nook, but for those days when I leave mine at home.)
  13. A TV crew to follow me around for a day.  Andy Warhol said that everyone should get their 15 minutes.
  14. To see friends who don’t leave near to me on a regular basis.  Same for family.
  15. Access to a beach.  Can we just blow up Jersey already?
  16. A back-up camera for those times when I’m stubborn and think I can carry everything into the house in one trip.  “Did I drop something important or just a water bottle?”
  17. Wine juice boxes.  Wait, they already have this one.
  18. To go back in time and meet Lucille Ball and Julia Child and all those other amazing women.
  19. World peace??*


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Adding to the awkward

As if the morning wasn’t awkward enough, I get in my car after work, turn it on, back out of the spot and blow yet another belt. I swear, my car goes through belts like it’s a fashion statement.

So a belt, an alternator, and another trip with another awkward tow truck driver later.. Here we are. I think my car is mad at me because I almost parked in a pothole at Starbucks today.

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Spa Etiquette 102

In case you missed my rants about work the multiple times I’ve ranted, feel free to catch up.  I’ll wait.

Now, it has come to my attention that we need a refresh on spa etiquette.  Today kids, we’re going to learn about using the telephone.  A few pointers:

  • Know what you want and when you want it.  Some people may refer to that as being aggressive, but when you’re scheduling an appointment, decisiveness is key.  If one more person asks me to list every single service we offer, plus every single time that we have available for it in the next three-month span, I’m going to hit you with our tester jar of herbal inhalation crap.  This leads me to point #2.
  • Don’t get pissy when you can’t get what you want when you want it.  We have a schedule and it’s first-come-first-serve.  Maybe you should have thought your Princess wanted to come in for Valentine’s couple’s massages a little bit sooner than the day before.
  • Utilize what is available to you so you don’t have to annoy the receptionist. As mentioned above, I’m not a fan of reciting everything we offer.  There’s a website for that.  And, try to avoid stupid questions, such as, “What’s your website address?”  Typically, it’s the company name with “.com” at the end.

That ends our PSA on phone etiquette when calling to schedule appointments.  If you break any or all of these rules, depending on the severity of dumbness with which you do so, you might be the “Bitch of the Week.”  It’s nothing to aspire to, trust me.


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The three types of women you see at the gym

The following is an incomplete and totally biased list of the three types of women one encounters at the gym in the evening.  I have yet to discover the types of women who go to the gym in the morning.  I suspect they’re stay-at-home moms who think they’re the best looking thing since sliced bread but actually are quite scary.

  • The woman who is there checking out the other guys and thinks that she doesn’t really need to try.  She doesn’t sweat.  She doesn’t even pull her hair up out of her face.  What’s more, she usually has her hair straightened  and a hair band would just put a kink in it and ruin her hard work.  Typically, this woman (“girl” would be a more accurate descriptor) wears a tight, stomach-revealing shirt and loose basketball shorts that have been rolled down to maximize the viewing of her stomach.  Occasionally, you’ll see the hint of a hip tattoo or a tramp stamp.  Lastly, she walks like a duck.  You know, she kinda saunters around with her chest and butt pushed out to enhance the view.
  • The woman who made a New Year’s Resolution to lose those last, pesky 15 pounds and/or go to the gym after work every evening.  This woman tries.  She wears baggy shirts and cropped yoga pants.  Her hair is pulled off her face (or, as pulled off as it can get as she typically has an inverted-bob hairstyle) and she has a book with her.  She alternates between reading while walking on the treadmill or watching the TV mounted to the elliptical in front of her.  While I admire her tenacity, her resolve will eventually peter out around mid-February.
  • The woman who wears leggings as pants.  Sometimes, she coincides with the woman who is there checking out the other guys and thinks that she doesn’t really need to try.  The distinction is the fabric her pants are made out of.  If her pants are of the shiny, Under Armour variety, she’s a serious gym-er.  If they’re cotton and therefore true leggings, she’s just pretending.  I digress.  This woman runs at a level 10 on the treadmill and her legs are a blur.  She doesn’t bother with frills, like a TV or an iPod.  She just runs for 100 hours straight.  And she sticks to her routine.  Furthermore, she is not afraid to sweat and she usually is prepared with a towel to mop up after herself.

And then there’s me.  I’m kind of a hybrid.


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Un-resolutions

I didn’t officially resolve to post every day, though I did tell myself I’d try to post every day.  Clearly, that has gone out the window.  So, in un-resolution cliche-ness, here are some other things I offically won’t do this year:

  • I won’t make some trite resolution, like learning a new word every day.  I will, however, continue to post “Words no one uses.”  Admit it, you’re glad that you learned “ubiquitous.”
  • I won’t give into my Type A tendencies and feel the need to plan and organize and color code everything.  I will, however, continue my love affair with my planner and use it as necessary.  I just won’t obsess quite as much.
  • I won’t make a committment to post once a day for a month in October again and write fluff on the days I don’t fee like writing or have nothing to say.  I will, however, write when I have something useful to contribute to society.
  • I won’t do what I said I’d do above.  If I only wrote when I contributed usefully to society, I’d write once a year.  If that.

But I will be nice to others, volunteer, and help the homeless.  And, let there be world peace.  (Miss Congeniality reference, anyone?)


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May I help you?

I usually try not to complain excessively about my job, because it’s a job.  And I kinda like it and would truly hate it if my ramblings caused me to be terminated a la Starbucks Guy.  That being said….

  • Please don’t jump down my throat because I asked what your name is.  We need to include a name with every transaction; I’m not being nebby, I’m just doing my job.  Also, I thank everyone when they purchase something, so please do not question why I am thanking you.  It is common courtesy, sir.  I could have said, “Thanks for giving us money,” instead of “I’m glad you came in today.”  Which would you prefer, hmm?
  • Please, listen to the people explaining stuff to you.  I said very clearly, “Please put your clothes in the provided garment bag.” Do not just leave them laying around the changing room like you are the only person who has access to said room.  Especially if you choose to disrobe entirely.  Because then I need to put everything (yes, everything) into your garment bag.  Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t relish bagging someone else’s “unmentionables.”
  • In that same vein, I pointed across the hall and said, “Have a seat across the hall when you’re ready.”  Kindly look and listen to where I am guiding you.  That way you aren’t wandering around, asking people where to sit.

To play devil’s advocate with myself, perhaps I am not making myself clear.  Or I am speaking too quickly for certain people to process the information that’s presented to them.  But the other 9 out of 10 people caught my drift.  Seeing as how there is a majority, I’m thinking I’m making myself understood after all.